This is how I feel right now.
One of my dearest friends once texted me a random conglomeration of letters like the ones from the title of this blog and I was so confused. I asked her what she was doing. I thought that maybe she was pocket texting me because it made no sense. She said that the letters expressed how she felt. I quizzed her about it a bit more, asking her when you’d use such a technique (I am a linguist, can you tell???) and then I finally understood. And I was so excited that I had finally found a way to textually convey my feelings of frustration, anguish, irritation, or any other yucky emotion.
Today has been a rather annoying day. Still dealing with the ‘friend’ issue from the wild life post….still trying to cope with the fact that my mother has been ill for going on 7 years and our doctor really wasn’t doing much about it…still annoyed that my roommate might ask me to go play badminton and I REALLY HATE BADMINTON…still feeling frustrated that the people I call friends use me and demand things from me, while giving little or nothing back….still feeling annoyed that I LET PEOPLE DO STUFF LIKE THAT TO ME.
And I shouldn’t feel like this. I went to church today where we had great worship.
A lady from our close-knit house church recently had a huge answer to prayer that we all rejoiced with her about (more on that later!!).
I have everything I need.
It’s just one of those rotten days.
I feel like I’m 11 again. Like I’ve got the world on my shoulders. Like there’s something wrong with me that I can’t possibly fix. Like there’s this stress ball inside of my chest that is curling and throbbing and growing into this big monster that’s going to swallow me whole. What I’ve just been convicted/prompted of is that I need to let Jesus love me. I need to let the Lord minister to my heart and swallow up those fears that I’m not good enough, never will be, and can only bring harm. I’ve been living under lies and curses that all I ever do is break things, that I’m to blame for everything. That’s a lot of responsibility, but also a lot of guilt. And I need to continually give it over to Jesus. I need to ask Him to come in and take all that yuck away. But when I ask for that and don’t fill myself with His Word, I leave myself empty and waiting for those lies to come back in. They may not be good for me, but at least they’ll keep me from feeling that gnawing, empty void.
I love how faithful God is. And even in the midst of pain, we can turn to Him and He will save us.
The joy of the Redeemed
2It will blossom profusely
And rejoice with rejoicing and shout of joy.
The glory of Lebanon will be given to it,
The majesty of Carmel and Sharon.
They will see the glory of the LORD,
The majesty of our God.